COMMUNICATIONS

Corona Virus time – almost two months now since we had to stay home most of the time. Yesterday, I was called into the office and responded affirmatively – gladly. I missed the volunteers and staff and the work itself.

Today, I am at home with regular household chores, expecting visitors, even small children and I am very excited.

Today, I am also thinking about communications.

When I was at the office yesterday, I had difficulty understanding what was spoken to me, in Hebrew. For the last two months, I spoke English at home and on Zoom and on the net. My Hebrew receded. I kept thinking and saying that it is my age. But as I think about it right now – it is not. I simply did not use the language, thus I lost some of it.

I also had difficulties remembering how to work the software in the office. The recording was the same but the material changed in its presentation.

So I am thinking about communications.

We communicate in all kinds of ways. However, much of it changed during the lockdowns. We tend to rely on body language, facial expressions, on the tone of voice, and on touch. All of which were not allowed in the past two months. One cannot use all of these at the same time on Facebook or on WhatsApp or Zoom. These are used together only when we meet face-to-face. Hence the mourning of the grandparents. We see our families on Zoom or even from the balconies when they driving by; but, we don't get to hug or even come closer to them then 2 allotted meters.

The result of isolation and loneliness is understood and acknowledged immediately. The deeper and longer-lasting damage is only surfacing now, after the long period of separation. Miscommunications are on the rise. We don't understand others. We think they said one thing, but they said another; they heard one word, but we meant another. I've seen these mistakes on videos, in social writing, and heard them on the phone. Misunderstanding cause miscommunication which causes argument which, in turn, become further distancing. It is a no longer social distancing that is forced on us, it becomes a choice of not calling or talking or keeping in touch because now it is painful.

We need to find a new communication skill.

We need to remind ourselves of the reason for this discomfort.

We also need to make sure that we keep the important connection between us – Love.

Love covers a multitude of misunderstandings. It reminds us of the reason for the communication in the first place. It points out what is important.

When we hear other people but cannot see them, we miss facial expressions, we miss body language, we miss the ability to correctly interpret their tone of voice. We don't see if there is a smile on their face or a tear in their eyes. When we read what they wrote with no other stimuli, we have no idea what their mood is and we interpret as we see it. In Israel, as in most of the Middle East, people take offense quickly, for no apparent reason. When touch allowed, it often alleviates quick reaction. If I touch your shoulder or look into your eyes and smile, I signal that no offense meant; Without these, and when the language skills are lacking, the safety net is gone. When an offense is taken, it is hard to change its directions and it causes a major rift between people.

Love helps. Love says I know this person. It is a family member or it is a good friend. There is love between us. Ask for clarifications and except the ones given. Love also says, they are also under pressure from the lock-down, they also try to survive these unusual changes, try again – remind them of the shared love. In WhatsApp I click on a sticky of hearts; In zoom, I sent a kiss; On Facebook, I click the hug picture; on the phone I say, I love you.

Meanwhile, I give as much space as I can without losing my contact with them while looking for a new way to communicate.